This message is about faith, hope and Gratitude. I first would like to give thanks to my higher power I choose to call G’d. I can remember as a child growing up wanting to become someone famous for helping others! I was a rebel but was against using drugs and alcohol as a child. Due to family issues, genetic predisposition and environmental issues I would become the very thing I despised — an addict and alcoholic with an eighteen-year addiction. I am proud to say I now am a person free of guilt and shame living in recovery with 21 years clean!
Everyone around says to “stay in the now” or take “one day at a time.” Recovery is work! This has been one of the toughest years of my life but because I did the necessary work I have the gift of a full life. I mistakenly thought that because I was sober, in a 12 step program with a sponsor, and working with sponcee’s that I was free. Everything as I knew it came tumbling down the say my son became addicted to drugs and alcohol at a young age. It was a very surreal and difficult time, but we worked through it.
I educated him and took him to 12 step meetings. He loved the meetings because kids cursed and the stories were exciting exciting for young ones. He would say things to me like, “I am not you. I am not like you.” For many years I was convinced he would not go down the addictive path I once traveled. As the years passed by I began to notice his life taking a turn for the worse. Starting with juvenile crimes he made poor decisions and choices for his life.
I showed up as the co-dependent mother — enabling his behaviors and his addictions due to feeling guilt and shame for neglecting and abandoning him at 2 years old. I am a therapist with long-term recovery and have learned that more time in recovery means more accountability and opportunities to work on core issues like guilt and shame.
I began to argue with him, confront him, take several different approaches to let him know I was here for him. His lies were so good and convincing. Until the day he was drinking and driving and crashed his car into a pole – totaling out his car – and was arrested fro DUI.
He called me for the first time at the end of last year after not speaking for a while and said ” I feel so broken and need help, Mom.” My prayers were finally answered. He entered treatment in Florida and relapsed a few days later. He totaled my car and entered back into treatment for 70 days. He worked hard. He entered an outpatient program and sober house on February 11, 2015.
He’s still there living sober.He will celebrate 1 year of sobriety on January 23, 2016 and is putting his life back together by setting healthy boundaries with me and I am open to the change and in acceptance of this process. When addicts change they force us to respond and change in a positive note also.
I am so happy and proud to be spending my first sober holiday with my son, Justin. These are the promises they speak about in the 12-step literature that make my life and his worth living! We are blessed and grateful for another day to help ourselves, help someone else and live the spiritual principles of this program.
Happy Holidays I hope this gives someone hope, courage to change and make a difference in your life and others!
Peace, Light and love from my heart to your heart!
Tori Dion Hodge
PS: My son gave me permission to share this.