When Worlds Collide

art-broken-explosion-glassHe never calls unless he wants something, or to brag about what one of his rich and famous friends or family members has done.  I think he really calls when he is high, or about to go and get high.  I am not sure because he usually text me, and I hate texting back and forth. It goes something like…

Him: Hey and I reply
Me: Hey how are you
Him: good
Me: Okay

Him: What are you doing?
Me: Nothing why
Him: Don’t why me young lady
Me: Okay
Him: You won’t believe what my Uncle is buying his wife for Valentine’s Day
Me: You are right

Him: A Yacht! Can you believe that and that cheap bastard wont even loan me fifty dollars! and I mowed his lawn! and I took out his garbage. No one else even goes to visit him
and i do. I can not believe he wouldn’t even give me twenty dollars for gas!

Me: Uh was it really for gas
Him: No but he doesn’t know that.
Me: Are you sure he doesn’t know?

Him: How would he know?
Me: Duh
Him: No everyone except you, thinks I am clean and sober.
Me: uh huh

At this point I can not bear to text any longer.  I need to pick up the phone or go to him and shake him mercilessly. Why does he think no one can tell he is getting high? Why? I would have put down the smart phone and walked away but then he says How is your daughter?  He never ask about my daughter. He always brags about his, but never does he ask about mine.  My cockles went straight up.  I said I am not really sure how she is doing. I am worried about her. Why?  I ask.

Him: Oh nothing, just asking.
Me: Uh Huh Why did you see her?
Him: Oh No let me talk to you later.

Instantly like that I knew. I knew he had seen her, and my mother’s wit told me they crossed paths on a road of hard knocks.  I had not seen her since her income tax check came. It has been about two weeks. She would only text me to tell me she was doing fine and taking care of business.  There is no way, and I know from experience, to text all the love, fear and concern, in my heart for my child. I know, I have tried and she did not come home.  She is grown and I can not make her return home. She wants to be out on her own.  She says she is fine and I have to take that.  I know she is not fine but I have to believe that she is because that is all I can do.

I wanted to tell him that we all know he is still getting high, his uncle and Iand the rest of his family and friends.  I wanted him to tell me he saw my daughter. Why is there is so much deception with the disease of addiction?  People on drugs seem to think no one notices their appearance changes.  Why do they think we do not notice their lack of concern about how they dress and smell and the obvious weight loss.  Some even lose their hair.

My daughters hair was falling out last time I saw her. And she did not want me to look at the spot. How could I not look at a spot balding in the hair I used to braid, and wash and brush?   How could I not want to kiss it and make it go away?  Why does she think she can tell me it is from stress and she plans to cut it all off anyway, when I know how much she loves having long hair?  How can she tell me she wanted to lose so much weight?  Who does she think she is talking to?  I called her… uh I mean I text her to see if she had seen him.  She text back, uh No why?

See I knew they had spotted each other. . .

-Anonymous Mom

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